If I tell my friend the truth, I might lose him/her as a friend. Is this something you have ever said to yourself? It is my belief that a friend, a true friend, will allow you to be 100% honest, even if it hurts. If we cannot be honest with our friends, who can we be honest with? I learned the hard way about being honest, but it wasn't with a friend, it was my mother-in-law. In my attempt to try to get along with her, I often said what I believed she wanted to hear, or I didn't say things that I needed to say. Then when she came to live with us after my father-in-law died, there was a moment in that stress when it all came out. I had been asking her about moving out, and she was resistant to hearing it. When she said
"You just want everything your way", that was pretty much it. I entered meltdown stage in a millisecond. All the thoughts and feelings that I had not shared in 18 years came bubbling up like lava out of a volcano. All the things I put up with in an attempt to be a "good" daughter-in-law. All the things I didn't talk with her about at the moment they first came up.
I feel horrible for hurting her, especially because she had lost her husband and was scared to live alone. I also feel horrible for allowing MYSELF to not be honest. After all, both of us were under stress in our relationship for 18 years. If I had just been honest with her from the start, perhaps this wouldn't have built to the point where I blew up. Perhaps I could have spared her from the double whammy of feeling like her daughter-in-law hated just a few short months after her husband died.
I would like to say that I would change things if I could. However, I don't think that we truly would change things if we could co back in time because we haven't learned the lesson yet. So I learned that honesty IS the best policy, even when we think it might hurt the other person. When we are not honest, we are hurting ourselves. And when we are hurting inside from being a dishonest person, we eventually hurt others when the truth finally does come out.
So, if there is someone that you have not been honest with, I invite you to take the chance to open up communication and be honest. It's better to do it when you are calm and not at the point of a meltdown like I was. Of course there is no guarantee that things will go well, but you will hopefully feel better knowing that you are living your life with integrity and honesty.